Letting go ,

may be a good choice after all . Let go of my jealousy feeling and learn to accept the ppl ard her , close to her and impt to her . cos i know , its only when she's happy then i will be happy .
u hurt ur spine becos of me .. bad mood becos I broke my promise to go out but i didnt in the end cos food poisoning and u went to drive ,bang ! thr goes the car , and the wall .. ha .. spine badly injured , dun care , wanted to break it so u will be wheelbound , so u wont get to choose the path , so u wont walk back to the past even though u wanted to .. i stressed too much on you ba . maybe i made u so stressed out and never encourage u along the way , only know how punish or to be sad , never say jiayous even though im doing so in my heart and hoping u will hear it .
i hope u will stand in my place and put urself in my shoes to think ..
holiday gt holiday the problems , sch days gt sch days the problems .. hais , holi , will go out alot of days , i wont have time to revise/do hw , will go pub drink , will smoke , will fight , will drive , wat thing break law de , u will have a part in it , sch days ppl will ask u go smoking , u will also want to , will keep sleeping in class , dun listen to lessons , loither ard after sch , go out at night . tell me what to do .. my dear ..
the dearest in ur heart and the big sister .. will you ever listen to my words once .

Should I ?

Im really thinking these days in camp what I should do . My mind tells me that I shouldnt be selfish .. should let her have her own friends too . She have the rights to , I cant deprieve her from it .. But why my heart just ache and bleeding when I sees it , when I hear it .. that jealousy feeling . Again . Ha . Go away lah ..
have been rejecting her even though she knows and wants to be with me .. but I've been really thinking if should let her go ..Give me awhile to think then .. hais ..
What should I do ? Just feel that she's the one who really can give u that security ba . That's why If I'll have to let you go , I'll . cos Im convinced .. even though I knw I'll tear .. but its okay .. dear ..

making the necklace .. Dunknow isit the right choice .. the fear of you leaving is strong and lingering inside me ..

Let me be selfish this time ,

Those memories are playing like a film without a sound , stabbing my heart ..

Its not the first time , Im trying so hard to hold onto you yet you're enjoying things that you shouldn't , I wonder whether you will think of me when you do things ,
心碎了，即使补了也会有裂痕 .
Let me selfish this time .. since u know i hate u keep msging so dun do it in front of me .. even though it seems impossible ,
even though i know the ans and what you gonna say , I know that but im running from reality do you uds .. in my heart the ans is alr thr but im praying nt to be it uh .. but it seems like reality is cruel .. hahahahaaha . hate it manz feeling . go die la . dun mention their names in front of me can .. heart's bleeding and you're slitting it deeper ..

甜言蜜语，

哪一个是你的真心话？你每次把花说得好听，可是，我真的不知道，你哪一个是说个样，哪一个是真的你的感觉，所以我才没有安全感吧...
just now an answer popped into my head . maybe you dun feel i trust you , dun give u security .. maybe wan sia does ba . see how u reacted when you're in bintan says everything . only when u trust that person , and feel safe with that person will you only go finding that person when the person's far away from you .. maybe u left that person cos u cant reject me so willing to help . maybe cos u dw to break my heart . but .. i really wish you to choose who u really want and i will pray for u to be happy , that's where i will be contented . choosing between two , you're always talking to shu yi thru sms , but , u ended up choosing wan sia alr tells me clearly ur answer and my supporting evidence ..
when i really wants to help , you reject .. not wanting me to worry is an excuse to me .. if we're friends then let me share the pain with you , idw to just only share the joy together and leave u alone when u are sad . it just simply sucks the way you want it to be . keeping it to urself just make me feel so ass , fked up and wanna cry .. why ..
not trusting me just simply stabs my heart when u made doubting tones . why must u suspect me and think u are the one right . why cant you ensure that its nt you before making the doubt ? it says everything uh .. heart breaks , tears flowed , for all i've done .
hate botenic garden .. maybe cos of the guilt , like you owed him something , when he ask u do something u dont want , u obliged willingly . when i asked you , you either says '' you know i dun like taking pictures '' or just appear so fake and unwillingly in front of the camera . just simply hate the feeling ... make me feel so .. ha .. fked myself . why is there a difference . running away from the feeling is the only thing i can do so that i wont appear wierd in front of you and i wont feel de damn you feeling .
using phone in front of me , lying sy to say im ur mother , asking u to slp so u wont need to reply her in chalet , lying that ur mother bring u go snow city , say will reply later , u ignored me so long , yet i've to reply u fast if nt u will dear ? me , ha ... turning my head away cos idw look at you , and that damn phone becos u didnt spare a thought for me . u say u have nothing to say when i used but did u stand in my position and think . how u reacted so loudly to a msg will make me wanna say shut up and sms quietly . all u did was to ask wat happen and ask when u're looking at the phone ? fuck you . i rather u sms like no one's business in front of me and dc abt me than you wanna entertain two ppl at a time . its impossible , i rather u hurt one ppl than two . so fked up .

Dont go back to the past ,

Hahha ... that jealousy and fked up feeling is so strong uh . haunted me for days le . maybe my attitude sucks like hell . why he ask u to take photo u look so willing inside and wat he ask u do u will do it so willingly ? why i ask u u always look so unnatural plus look so unwilling . why that difference . HAHAH .. can cry die uh . decided nt to ask u take photos le . it will wanna make me cry . for all i did for u and this is all i get uh . i rather hate nt leaving memories than to see it and feel like crying becos of ur actions . what can i say . its so... hahhahahhahhahhaha . FUCKED UP uh .
you jealous me and my friend ''in relationship'' , jealous i with family , feel that i dun keep my words and promise , even also suspect me . what's the definition of trust .. why after so much i've done for you , so much that i suffered silently for you , u will still dun trust me , only urself , thinking that you're the one who's right and im wrong ? u know it fking hell hurts to be misunderstood . u dun like dun means i dc uh . becos i give a damn to it uh . stab my heart , when u give me the suspect look and sounds so when u're the one in the wrong . have you thot that i also feel this way ? have u ever spare a thought for me ? selfish thought ..

why i explained to you so much , you just think you're right ? do you know that ur selfish thought of wanting both will cause you to regret . and idw u to regret cos it will be too late then .. spare a thought for ur mummy ba . her flesh and blood , you feel it to be so cruel and so pain , what abt her ? she dun feel btr uh . i hope u think over . blame me if u want , say i cruel idc . i know one day you'll uds my intention ..
humans are selfish uh . i cant blame u too .


12 sticks still haunts me and my heart's still bleeding ,
numb .


Dont go back to the past , please .


对不起，你让我没安全感，

强求没有幸福，

别人用写的来写痛这个字，而我用眼泪和血来刻出痛这个字。。
You didnt know that that 12 sticks make me fall so deep that my heart still bleeds .. ha ..

feel so stupid ,

feel so stupid to be talking so much to you , yet ur reaction is slow and .. so LOL . HAHAHA . what can I say uh . feel like an idiot talking . must be feeling bored talking to me and do other things ba . ha . still tell me . what the hell is wrong with me ! argh ... damn it . fuck myself .
WHAT DO I WANT FROM YOU !