you only trust urself ,nt me .

我开始懂了。
tying me so tightly , does it really help ? it'll make me hate you more .
no trust means no trust . dont say you trying -.- becos it'll never be the same and it'll never be .

You dk how i feel .

you rather trust what you heard when you dk the full story than to trust me . this is trust , to you .

True friends will share her happiness and sadness with you . friends who only share their happiness are nt even treating u as friends . to me , they are people who are superficial . yes i know you dw me sad , yes i know u want me happy . but you're not me , how u know wat im thinking .

Im only one of ur checkers to make ur child happy . have you ever thot how i feel ? have u ever know tt i treated u like a close friend ? have you ever thot of my feelings even if its not ur child tt im saying .

is it acceptance or a form of assurance ?

sometimes i wonder how u rate the imptance of me in ur heart .
i dont owe u a single shit . even if im dissapointing the whole world , im trying to do my best for you . yet this is all i get , dissapointment all over again .

you really love him . I , bless you and give u my blessings .

i really dk how u treat me like and what am i to you ? a punching bag ? a machine u can vent on ? a dog ?
i dont owe you anything and i want u to just be happy . you took me for granted . and u hurt me again and again . YOU are the one who ask me nt to mention the past yet u cant let go . u cant go doesnt mean i can .
do you knw how hurting are ur words esp when you're angry . do u know how i feel . did u ever put yrself in my shoes . always say i owe you . i dont owe you anything . im doing it just for YOU.
i hate to break promises . i hate to dissapoint others . yet im dissapointing the whole world just for you . did u ever know abt anything . did u ever be thankful for it ? or u think its normal for me to decide to do it this way . u always assume things in ur way .yours and forever yours . your world and my world is different . friends are tgt becos of their differences . yet you want me to change for you . have u ever thot how i felt ? you want a perfect friend , im not . and im never one .

i know im dumb , im stupid and im useless . dont keep emphasise it even in ur conver with me . it hurt like a totally single shit . fuck you , asshole , are u dumb , stupid , come on, these words are really salt and peppers in my everyday life . what am i to you . you made me feel totally useless in ur eyes .

dont pms and vent on me and say a thousand and one single shit and wanna end it with a single sorry . its useless . i simply hate it .

dont treat me like a fool . i know everything and i can see .
you hate me and thr's no trust btw us .

I've no confidence of myself

25/5 : hamham died . she blamed herself . my heart breaks to see her this way .

''it hurts to know everything '' haha , her , again . (':

多痛都可以，不能没有你。

你了解我的心情吗？！真的想要毁掉承诺吗？！说要正常的是你，不相信我的人也是你。说的容易做得难吧，我讨厌你这样的告诉她我们的事。我不管什么感受，一句都不会说。真的要分享吗？好不愿意的心情。

she's special to you , dont she .. she did nth yet the same treatment . I did so much , hurt dao cannt alr , cry dao my heart is really bleeding , yet .. haha , 知觉，我恨死你。

Again and again , my heart hurts . really really do .

Again and again , i cant protect her . once again , empty promises i have given .

everytime you and her something happened , your dont say i'll also know . my institution haha , strong anot , idk . but mostly correct . plus both something happened , i'll tear like bullshit and go crazy , her mummy will also sad .

You're asked me to shut up for the n times alr .

Trust , is never thr anymore .

我假装不在意，而痛了自己。

好冷淡。

痛到无法自拔。

不是不爽，是心痛，因为在分享给好多好多人。

虽然没有期待你会改变，可是我还是有那么一点的对你失望。

被约束的我，真的习惯这样吗？

你把我当笨蛋看待。

宁愿沉默不语，

The truth hurts ,

Its nt the first time . It hurts . why must it be her .. why .. why .. :'(... heart ,srsly hurts .

你，伤透了我的心。很痛。。。怎么办。。痛。。。。 :'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'( TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT ...

我，到底在期待什么。明知道自己自私，分享，好痛，好难，可是我被迫那么做。。难过。。

当我问你那句为什么是我的时候，你有察觉到我心里的恐慌吗？因为我开始对自己没信心了，她和你。。。。太像了。

嫉妒是因为没有安全感，对自己没信心。

当你和我吵架时，你有想过为什么会吗？你有试着了解吗？

有体谅过我的心情吗？

我，很没用，连自己心爱的人也保护不了，她需要我的时候，我在哪里？

Feelings , Im tired of all these ,

I always walk in front of you when you're smsing , turn my head , close my ears , and i really really hope to sit far till i cant hear , cant see . ha . not i walk fast , my pace is the same . its you tt's so busy smsing . hate it when something happened between you and ur DEAREST and you dun sayy but give me tt face . so FUCKEDDDD AHHHH .

承诺对你可能一文不值，对我而言很珍贵，很重要。对不起，已经没用了，对不起的意思是什么？是为了说而说吗？是真心的吗？为什么让我怀疑？你知道每当其他人说对不起，它让我勾起好多回忆，好痛的三个字。

没遵守诺言的家伙，我恨你。

在说谎之前，价值值多少。

原来我不能让你彻底改变，

信任和机会是自己争取的，不是和别人要，

Do you know how much it takes to trust after each lie ?! because its you tt's why i wanna trust you , but its also becos its you , idw any lies .

everyone thinks tt their lives are a piece of shit , not only you .

when heart is shattered , no matter how you mend , its never the same anymore . dont break a shattered heart , the pieces are too small tt it went thru and pierce thru it .

Do you know how it feels to be an option between something AGAIN and AGAIN ? feels so fked . idl you to smile when you know tt its cig smell. it makes me so pissed off , as if it made you so happy . HA ! and , i really hate to hear tt msg tone , so fked . 人在可是心和魂不在，haha . is it so boring to be with me tt you've to sms ? or you just simply cant live without ur phone . lol . haha . again . an option . haha .

What should I do ..

You tell me Sorry ,
You promised me .
Dear . I want nothing , idw sorry . sorry to me is useless . its just pure words . no emotion alr . What I want now is you to quit tht's all .
The moment you told me you wanna die , the earlier the btr . Sorry , it stabs my heart . Heart broken .. I dont wanna lose you . you understand that ? Do you ! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS TO BRING MYSELF TO FORGIVE YOU WHEN I SHLD BE ANGRY AND BASH YOU UP ?
how much does trust worth to you ?
过了那么久了，每次问你，这么了，发生什么事，你都不说，不然就说没有，朋友，你骗不了我。。
即使每个人不相信你，即使很痛，我都相信你。。
刻苦铭心，
It hurts . it really hurts .
Nothing is impossible ..
我努力地拉住你，想要挽回可是你不让我。。为什么伤害自己。。？
Is this part of ur revenge ?
我从来没有一刻忘记我们曾共同拥有的回忆，甜蜜温馨可是带来了酸痛，对不起。
Sometimes , things just don't work the way we want it to be .
Laughs , it just won't go away . Do you even know ? Its so obvious .. hais .
Memories flashed back , Heart bled , tears flowed , and all I could mumbled is Sorry ..
The closer I am to you , the further I will feel I am to your heart . I never know what you were thinking and I am tired . Often wondered , do you trust me ?
If this didn't happen today , I wouldn't have known I caused so much pain to you . Hurts shit .. Sorry .
I thought you would be different and understand my situation .. but you were like the rest . I was wrong . and I cant blame you . The truth hurts .
What do you want from me ?
What do I want from you ?

痛苦，

When Sorry dont help , when I hate you lying , when I've to follow ur necessity and im not supposed to possess it . How selfish you are . Just tell me right in the face tt you're busy and cant talk to me . why must you reply after such a long time . ha . fuck you .

I started to not just have neutral feelings abt camera alr . thanks to botanic gardens .

Lost , just like this .

谁也没想到以前的甜言蜜语会变成以后的伤痛，

我是代替品吗？

What have I done to get all these ?! Im trying very hard to save ur life , to save ur health yet you're ruining it . FUCK YOU !!

你会敏感我也会，

如果可以的话，我要把敏感的根拔掉因为是我们俩的敏感把我们的关系变得那么疆，

When Im wrong , you remembers .

All I wish for , is a listening ear .
Being deprieved of something .. laughs . stabs thru it . idk the reason hw to uds . i only uds how useless i'll feel .
为什么每次都是我牵就你。。没顾虑到我的感受，即使痛还是要面对，即使想逃避，你把我拉住然后演给我看。。ha ..
我要你告诉我，不你做不到，也不要你用甜言蜜语，很伤人！你懂吗！
Incompetent friend . When she needs you , you're not there. Now cry also no use . She in pain , no one's there for her . she's in sorrow , no one with her . and you're the cause . why did u leave her alone . why did u give her so much pain ..
眼泪直多少，心里的痛又怎么能被表达，
Presence that cannot be felt .
Feeling  -less .

Jealousy

短短的距离却有如此的忧伤与痛苦无人分享，

醋喝完了，你帮我买了一瓶回来，

不只你会吃醋，不想看，选择走，我也一样，可是我不能阻止你交朋友，不能盖住我的耳朵，不能蒙闭双眼。

即时我有一百万个剑指着你，判你的罪名，即使自己知道自己的直觉多准可是不想下定论因为我想最后一次相信你，可是看来，逃避没用，是始终就是是，无法改变的事实。chose to lie to myself the last time and says she wont de , she wont de , trust her .. does it even help ? when it didnt uh .

When I say I want bring med for you rub you're always unwilling and dw . she say only you agreed and let her bring . Sorry .. feel so ..  do so much for you yet the return is like tt . laughs .

I dont like when you let him go thr care for you when you pushed me away . I dont like when he's always able to be there for you when i cant .. I dont like when its nt the first time you dont share sorrow with me .. i dont like when you want me to leave you alone . I feel so useless .. that's the difference between me and him ba ..
你喜欢的不要认定我也会喜欢。

feelings

你可以若无其事地面对我，根本都不会内疚。。以前的你，去了哪里。。虽然让可是你知道我心里是痛痛痛。。

被心爱的人欺骗最心痛，你那句我爱你说得毫无意义。。你有感情，我也是人，我也有。。

When I'm right , no one remembers . When I'm wrong , no one forgets .

如果失望是用写的，我是用刻的，

部顾虑我的感受的你了解我的心情吗？

琬甯，即使在痛，在难过都要忍，即使自己身不由己也要忍，因为没有人理解你的心情，又不能说。这种感觉又有谁理解？。。无奈的心情，

your promise ,

我薛明慧，不管遇到多强的风，多大的雨，就算遇到海浪，我也会不顾一切，真心的保护，疼爱，全心的爱着傅琬甯，永远守护在她身旁，永不离开。

No matter what , you're already a big sister , and my dearest in my heart .

Letting go ,

may be a good choice after all . Let go of my jealousy feeling and learn to accept the ppl ard her , close to her and impt to her . cos i know , its only when she's happy then i will be happy .
u hurt ur spine becos of me .. bad mood becos I broke my promise to go out but i didnt in the end cos food poisoning and u went to drive ,bang ! thr goes the car , and the wall .. ha .. spine badly injured , dun care , wanted to break it so u will be wheelbound , so u wont get to choose the path , so u wont walk back to the past even though u wanted to .. i stressed too much on you ba . maybe i made u so stressed out and never encourage u along the way , only know how punish or to be sad , never say jiayous even though im doing so in my heart and hoping u will hear it .
i hope u will stand in my place and put urself in my shoes to think ..
holiday gt holiday the problems , sch days gt sch days the problems .. hais , holi , will go out alot of days , i wont have time to revise/do hw , will go pub drink , will smoke , will fight , will drive , wat thing break law de , u will have a part in it , sch days ppl will ask u go smoking , u will also want to , will keep sleeping in class , dun listen to lessons , loither ard after sch , go out at night . tell me what to do .. my dear ..
the dearest in ur heart and the big sister .. will you ever listen to my words once .